Back to the good stuff.
I was reading through an old journal of mine the other day- you know, the kind that I was all gung-ho about when I first got it, and then preceded to fill up about a tenth of the pages with my thoughts until I kicked the habit. I came across one particular poem while I was taking a walk down memory lane, and, I must say, it presented me with much more to think about than just the nostalgic feeling i was expecting. The poem went like this-
I want to be more,
Not just two hands on a clock,
Ticking relentlessly,
Waiting for shock.
More,
I refuse to live betting on races
Whose winners have
Unrecognizable faces.
I'll work for the change,
I'll sweat for the difference,
I'll make people see past
their ignorant inference.
Apathy's a pandemic
that will not infect me.
I'm determined to be everything
that I can be.
And I don't expect the whole world to believe it,
But More's always there, you just have to retrieve it.
---
The "More" that I was so passionately referring to was, in a nutshell, talent. I wanted to prove to everyone around me that I was good enough, and that in fact I would end up being something probably better and more successful than they were.
Geez.
How can it be that something that was so deeply a part of me a couple of years ago can resonate just as fully now, when I feel like a completely different person?
I think it's because while reading I redefined a key word in that piece. I took "more" from it's previous meaning, self-progress and self-glory, and turned it seeking more for myself so that I can be more for others, and ultimately more for God.
The big difference, though, is that a couple of years ago "more" was concrete. It was a stationary goal that I would reach and remain at. Now "more" is so...liquid. It's something that I can't get a decent grip on and it's so frustrating and so beautiful at the same time.
So I still identify with what I wrote a while back, except for the last couple of lines. I decided to rewrite them to more accurately reflect how I view the rest of the piece.
And I'll give myself for the world to recieve it,
For More's always there, you just need to believe it.
---
I wonder how I'll read this poem a few years from now..
